#SecondLifeChallenge – Unspoken Rules in Second Life


Every society has some unspoken rules that the residents try to follow because they are the rules of etiquette, or social norms which are considered acceptable in a group or society. Like in the real world, when riding an escalator you stand on the right and walk on the left. When a new member joins the community, it may take them time to learn all the unspoken rules, usually with some experience.

I was recently chatting with some old friends in Second Life and they suggested I do this as one of my #SecondLifeChallenge posts. I figured it would be an informative one for new residents in Second Life as well as a good refresher for us oldbies.

Here are the instructions for the #SecondLifeChallenge this week: Share some unspoken rules in Second Life that you’ve learned over the years. Don’t forget to leave a link to your post in the comments! 

  1. Don’t send random friend requests to strangers: Probably one of my biggest pet peeves, logging into friend requests from people that I’ve never spoken to. I’ve heard many other residents complain about this as well, so before sending a friend request to someone, try to speak to them first and make sure it’s okay with them as some people like to keep their friends list inworld reserved for those that are close to them. That being said, if they say no to the request, please do not take it personally.
  2. Read profiles before contacting people: I highly recommend you read people’s profiles and see how they prefer to be contacted before sending a message inworld, especially if you are contacting a content creator for customer service assistance. You will most probably get faster and better assistance if you see what it says on their profile first.
  3. Don’t send mass teleports to your whole friends list: I know you want to invite everyone on your friends list to your party, but it’s very inconvenient for people to receive these and then accidentally click on them whilst being naked and end up right in the middle of the club with their boobs out. Trust me, I speak from experience. Don’t send mass teleports please, message people individually and ask if they want to come first.
  4. Move your avatar away from the landing point: When arriving at a location in Second Life, especially if it’s a crowded event, try moving your avatar away from the landing point as soon as you can so it doesn’t cause a pile up in one spot and lag people out. This is something I’m guilty of myself at times as I forget but I do my best to try and remember to just take a few steps forward so I get out of the way.
  5. Don’t add residents to your mailing lists without asking: It’s happened to me many times and it can be quite irritating. I’ve gone and purchased one item from a store and without asking me, the creator has added me to their subscription list so I start receiving messages of all their new releases. I know I have not signed up for this myself so I go to the store and try to find a way to unsubscribe and there is nothing in their store that shows me how to do that or it’s hidden. Really doesn’t make me want to purchase or promote your store again. Please don’t do this, ask people if they want to be added before adding them.

I want to give credit to my plurk friends for giving me some of the rules in my list above as I was drawing a blank after a few. I only wanted to add a couple more to my list so I’m linking to the plurk itself as so many of them have shared some great unspoken rules that I think a lot of you will find informative.

I also did this challenge in vlog format so click over to my youtube video for more detailed answers:

I hope you guys also take a moment to share more unspoken rules that you wish others knew about and followed. You don’t have to have a blog to do this challenge, you can do it on any social media platform or vlog on youtube. Just don’t forget to tag your post with #SecondLifeChallenge and then leave the link to your post in the comments of this post.

Please remember there is no time limit to do this challenge, you can participate in any #SecondLifeChallenge at any time. You’ll find them all under my Blog Challenges category along with other memes and challenges I’ve done over the years. I’ve also started a #SecondLifeChallenge playlist on my YouTube channel.

Just a reminder that you only have one more day to sign up for the BVN Blogger & Vlogger Secret Santa Swap. I have already signed up and can’t wait to participate. You have until December 5th to sign up and then on the 10th you will receive your recipient’s name. Watch out for my Secret Santa blog post soon after the 10th! Hope you participate!

My Style Credits:
Shape: StrawberrySingh.com Lilly Shape by Strawberry Singh (coming soon)
*Mesh Body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V4.1 by Onyx LeShelle
*Mesh Head: CATWA HEAD Lilly v3.1 by Catwa Clip
*Skin Applier: *YS&YS* Gacha 01 – NALA Tone03 Nude – RARE by Monicuzza Babenco (Arcade)
*Eyes Applier: Avi-Glam Natural Eyes by Kendra Parfort
*Lipstick: A R T E – Honey Lips by Miriam Lemondrop (Powder Pack Catwa Sept 2017)
*Hair: Tableau Vivant \\ Veronika hair [messy] by M4ri1yn Magic (Uber)
*Necklace: CHAIN – Shanna Necklace Set by MazyChain (Group Gift)


Strawberry has been a Second Life Resident since 2007 and a Linden Lab employee since 2019.

37 thoughts on “#SecondLifeChallenge – Unspoken Rules in Second Life

  • December 3, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    Love this post!

    Unspoken rule for me? Being added to my friends list does not mean I will be your booty call girl or even go there with you.

    Amazing how many men think that is what this list is for and are highly offended when I say this to them before adding them. Yes, I actually say it. “my friends list is for people I chat to and hang out with and is not there for men or women who think I’ll do them.”

    Yes, I have unfriended them after they ignored that and decided to creep on me after being added, too. lol

  • December 3, 2017 at 9:26 pm

    I’ve nothing to add to your list of NoNos, Berry, so I’ll sit this one out. This is most unfortunate since I was looking forward to a new and exciting #SecondLifeChallenge. And now I have nothing to do. ;(

    On my blog I’ll only have a very boring and labour intense RL GNU/Linux story to work on. A quick Berry-challenge would’ve distracted me enough to find new energy for my own shit.

  • December 3, 2017 at 10:16 pm

    How about let everything rez before you start moving. I hate when people walk into me or even stand on me because they can’t see me. Especially in clubs, it’s annoying when you’re pushed.

  • December 4, 2017 at 12:39 am

    Don’t log out from my home. I hate when I’m puttering around my home and someone I entertained two days ago suddenly logs on in my living room. Instant visitors!

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  • December 4, 2017 at 6:06 am

    Great Post Strawberry and thanks for sharing. Yes, i agree with Debs what Men think about my Yes if i add any. They ALL are thinking its my Agree to have Sex with them.

    Most of the Rules we have to respect in our Real Lifes , we also should respect in our Second Life as well.

    Point Number 4 is for me essentiell and one i learned from my Begin in Second Life

    One of my own special Rules in Second Life is for me to talk with others as i also talk in Real Life and NOT emote, i hear so often with other People

  • December 4, 2017 at 8:44 am

    I don’t understand the unspoken rule (from the Plurk convo you posted) about how speaking in open chat makes you a noob and you wasted your right to exist? Since when did that rule come about? I’ve been in SL since 2005 and I’ve never heard that one. It’s there for a reason, no?

    Sometimes I suspect people join SL and immediately become their high school bullies. A whole world of Regina Georges.

  • December 4, 2017 at 9:09 am

    My BIGGEST peeve in SL? Don’t go in people’s homes uninvited!!!! MAKES ME CRAZY.

  • December 4, 2017 at 11:30 am

    I have so many that I could add, but I’ll restrain myself to one. Several were already listed (here and/or on the Plurk).

    Designers/creators/merchants should make customer service a top priority. If you don’t have time to follow-up on issue(s) a customer has with one of your products then you either need to slow down or hire help. Don’t ignore an issue because you feel it’s too trivial, the customer is nit-picking, or worse, because you feel it’s such an easy thing that they should already know the answer.

  • December 4, 2017 at 12:15 pm

    Don’t open up a group chat with umpty thousand members and say “hi”. Don’t have ongoing personal convos in group chats. Don’t think you can circumvent LL TOS just because you put it in your profile that you can!

  • December 4, 2017 at 12:37 pm

    Don’t put up banlines just because you can. It’s beyond rude.

  • December 4, 2017 at 3:14 pm

    “Move your avatar away from the landing point.”

    This, THIS, a hundred times THIS! I’ve actually seen sims that automatically move your avatar out of the way when you arrive so you don’t land on top of each other.

  • December 4, 2017 at 5:44 pm

    Love your blog today. Had a chuckle at the “Like in the real world, when riding an escalator you stand on the right and walk on the left”. In Australia, we do the opposite. Stand on the left of the escalator and people walk up the right side. Wanted to share with you x

  • December 4, 2017 at 10:39 pm

    I’m not so sure number 3 is a universal rule. I see DJs who routinely send mass TPs to get people in the club when they work. I mean, it’s kinda their job to fill a club as much as possible, and you can reasonably assume only the people who are okay with mass TPs will be on their friends list… But these lists are bigger than one might think.

    The rest of them seem solid.

  • December 5, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Sans, I never got that either. In fact, I have been banned from one sim for speaking in local when the owner made it against her rules to do so! I speak in local in most sims even if no one talks back. But, I find that if I open that door, others walk through, too.

    Why are so many adamant that speaking in local is wrong!?

  • December 5, 2017 at 8:13 am

    How about…
    6. Actually filling out your profile? The sheer number of users over 4 years in SL that have completely blank profiles scares me.
    7. Open your mini map and use it when landing in a new place.. It will show you where people are that haven’t rezzed in yet so you dont shove them around.
    8. Please, take private voice conversations to a private chat… No one needs or wants to hear you gossip and chit chat with your bestie while we are waiting for the lucky chairs to change. And for Lindens sake, don’t talk crap about someone standing near you in open voice.

  • December 5, 2017 at 8:17 am

    @DoomRater No no.. I can assure you that people still keep Djs on their friends list that do this even though they hate it.With contact sheets there should be no issue with it as the DJ can make a list of people that like to come see them DJ and those that are non music friends.

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  • December 5, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    Ok this is a pet peeve maybe don’t qualify as an unspoken rule not sure

    if you doing things in sl as a profession, ie.. wedding minister, DJ, live singer etc… HELLO this is 2017! Update your avi! look nice! Especially on weddings! nothing worse than a horrible 2003 avi serving as a minister on a wedding!

  • December 5, 2017 at 12:23 pm


  • December 5, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    I’ve already posted, but a few things that have happened in the last few days have me thinking of another ‘unspoken rule’ that people would do well to follow both in SL as well as RL — Live your life for you, worry about you, and don’t nitpick about what others are doing. This isn’t a reflection of any specific person(s), but rather an observation of people overall. I see too many people in SL get testy about silly things such as the way one dresses, or the way one decorates their ‘yard’, etc. I even read a public comment yesterday about the length of someone’s nails lol…I mean, really?

  • December 6, 2017 at 10:40 am

    I’ve never heard of a rule against talking in local, but it sounds unnecessary. I have heard of mass TPs but I don’t know anyone who would prefer that over a notice.

    I decided not to do this week’s challenge because so much had already been covered on plurk and by other bloggers but after reading the comments, I do have something to add regarding DJs.

    That thing where they talk over the music every single time someone TPs in? I think it would be much more appropriate to greet people who walk in via local chat than to interrupt a song. Especially if it’s a busy club and the DJ’s mic is at a different volume or level of quality from the music. My ears really don’t like that and I can’t imagine being alone in thinking that. I can sort of get it if they’re playing house music but why would anyone want their favorite song being cut out every few seconds so the DJ can awkwardly try to pronounce people’s usernames?

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  • December 10, 2017 at 2:11 pm

    All of these things plus…please don’t send me a friend request if we’ve only had one or two conversations! Seems like newer residents think the friend-ing option is like Facebook and I hate that. Trading calling cards is a good alternative but I find that many of the people I suggest this too have no idea what I mean. “/

  • December 12, 2017 at 10:36 am

    I think talking in local chat is okay at like a club that allows it. That is how people get to know one another. However, I am in a large freebie and sales group and they are constantly having lengthy personal conversations in local. So you cannot see what people are posting. And then if you happen to repost it, you get a scolding from at least 5 ppl for “reposting” a link too soon. I cannot scroll through 100s of messages to see if a pair of freebie underwear I found are listed. I have actually stopped participating in the group, which is too bad because I shop at some really nice stores which have nice gifts, that I rarely seen posted in the group. And I know a lot of my friends have as well. We are not going to scroll through all that chat. Thats the group’s loss because that means less people to help lockdown some of these MM boards that need 300 slaps and the lucky letters turn over faster too.

  • December 14, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    Being a male in a Femdom sim does not give you 24/7 access to hot kinky sex. But it will teach you how not to annoy women.

    Baby steps.

  • December 17, 2017 at 9:45 am

    A good list, and some excellent additional items in the responses.

    Misuse of group IMs is another one that annoys me more than it should

    Don’t start a conversation in a big group’s IM chat just to say “hi”.

  • March 2, 2018 at 12:19 pm

    Number 5 is a big one for me. I bought a skin and shape for my alt from a store on MP and have been getting messages from the person since…that was five years ago…She won’t remove me from her list. I ended up muting her. She creates a new object under a different name and sends you more. I finally AR’d her, but of course, LL doesn’t do anything about the unwanted spam. I never signed up for her list and when going to her inworld location, you find a platform and some signs but no unsubscriber. If you send her a message, she doesn’t respond half the time and if she does respond, she acts like you’re the bad guy. I’ve not bought anything from this store since. I refuse to buy from a spammer. If I wanted to be spammed, I would have clicked on a subscribomatic. So number five is a huge pet peeve for me.

  • March 18, 2020 at 9:09 am

    On speaking in local. It’s more nuanced than some singular rule.

    Just as in real you speak via IM to have a private convo. You speak in local in public places to include those around you in the convo. In fact, speaking via IM is rude if having a group convo. It excludes people and leaves them standing there wondering wtf is happening. Don’t do it.

    And don’t bully either. Be kind and consider others.

    And, contribute some to local conversation in clubs and such especially if the place seems a little socially dull. Go to Junkyard Blues to see how it’s done reasonably well. Helps people get to know each other a little and makes new folks feel welcome.

    Speak via private IM when having a private convo. Especially if you are having a naughty conversation. No one wants to hear what silly thing you think you are gonna do if you get someone alone–ewww!

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