Marriage

Marriage

Just a few days ago, I got married in the real world. It happened all of a sudden and went something like, “Hey you want to get married?” “Sure, why not?” And the next thing I knew, we were at the courthouse. I wasn’t sure if I was going to share this with my blog readers, but I figured since I shared my heartbreak, my political views and even when I accidentally swallowed jewelry, I could share when I got hitched.

I have to admit, even though I’ve known him for 2 years now I’m feeling a bit scared, but not because I’m not happy. I don’t think I’ve been happier nor have I ever felt more comfortable with another person as I do with him. However, recently there has been a lot of change in my life and my life is kind of chaotic at the moment. I also don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. I’ve been engaged a few times before and it didn’t end well and left me with trust and insecurity issues. I don’t have any doubts about us, but I do have certain fears. I also tend to overthink everything. I’m looking forward to a lifetime with him and I guess what I’m hoping for are my nerves to settle and for me to just get used to all the change that’s happened all of a sudden.

I guess another reason I decided to share this event in my life is so I can ask for some advice. To those blog readers that have been married for a while and still happy after many years, what’s your secret? How did you make it work? What would be your advice for a newlywed like me?

With all the change that’s been happening in my real life, I haven’t had as much time for my Second Life. I’m hoping once I’ve moved in completely by tomorrow and gotten used to the new kitten that came along with the new husband, both of whom are demanding a lot of my attention lol, I’ll have more time for my favorite hobby again.

I have decided to disable some of my social networks, at least for a while. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but hopefully soon. I just want to focus on getting comfortable in my new life. I will continue blogging whenever I get the chance. Second Life and blogging are an important part of my life; they give me the opportunity to escape and release my creativity. Thank you all for the well wishes. <3

Credits:
Shape: StrawberrySingh.com Simone Shape by Strawberry Singh
*Mesh Body: Maitreya Mesh Body – Lara V3.5 by Onyx LeShelle
*Mesh Head: .LeLutka.Head.Chloe 2.6 by JadenArt (coming soon)
*Skin Applier: Glam Affair Chloe by Aida Ewing (coming soon)
*Eyeliner: Veechi – Matte Winged Eyeliner by Aiubrey Snoodle (@ N21)
*Eyes: IKON Charm Eyes – Grey by Ikon Innovia
*Hairbase: Tableau Vivant \\ Lelutka HB by M4ri1yn Magic
*Hair: Tableau Vivant \\ (No)Bow updo by M4ri1yn Magic
*Outfit: Zaara Avni by Zaara Kohime (@ C88)
*Nosering: Amala – The Kimberly Nose Stud by crystalny (@ N21)
Tikka & Earrings: .Shi : Parampara by Joy Laperriere

101 thoughts on “Marriage

  1. WOW, congratulations, :)

  2. Congratulations Berry!! I’m so very happy for you. And, your thoughts are the same as many newlyweds. We have all been there.
    I married my high school sweetheart and have been happy for many many MANY years! My only tried and true advice is this …. Never go to bed mad. You see, working it out no matter how difficult and ending your day with a kiss good night has always seemed to work for some reason. Something so simple!!

    So a kiss each night ( and every night we kissed, we put a jelly bean in a jar by the bed ) and we have MANY old jelly bean jars laying around!

    Oh that, and make sure you can compromise!!

    Many many wishes for happiness and joy in your new life as a couple :)

  3. hey hey congrats berry!

  4. Congratulations Berry. Best wishes for your future.

  5. Congrats Strawberry!!! ♥♥ *_* ♥♥

  6. Mellyn Llewellyn says:

    Congratulations!!!!!!! Just don’t leave us. We had first dibs!

  7. WOW!!! Berry! This is one awesome post! :) Though we don’t really know each other, I wanted to say congratulations!

    I’m not married, so I can’t really give advice from personal experience on that–but I can mention one major thing I have observed that couples (or people in any kind of relationship) can forget to do. You’re probably great at this already though! Always remember to communicate. Life can get busy, stressed, chaotic, etc. and this can cause misunderstandings that add to the fray if you don’t tell the other person what you’re thinking or feeling. So, if things get kind of hectic, take a deep breath, and take a few moments to talk about things. (It also helps with the overthinking about stuff, I do that too.) :)

    All the best! I’m really happy for you!

  8. That’s wonderful news! Congratulations!

  9. Cristalle Karami says:

    Congrats, Berry!!!

    I have a suggestion for something to read. The Five Love Languages. I found it to be profoundly simple, but essential reading for any couple. Better to know before than after.

  10. jackson redstar says:

    congrats! funny thing is, that is pretty much how I got married. In Vegas, bored, “hey, you want to get married” been married over 25 years now

  11. Xmara Lundquist says:

    Congratulations Berry!!! I wish you many many years of happiness.

    I have been with my partner for 17 years this month I totally agree with Blush Berri that one never goes to bed mad – tho I wish we had thought of the Jelly Beans idea!

  12. What happy news Berry! Congrats & best wishes!

  13. Congrats Berry! I met my husband in Second Life. We will be married 6 years in August. My best advice is nurture your friendship and have fun together. Find hobbies, games, interest, you can share. They help to build teamwork between you and your partner!

  14. Congratulations Mrs Berry! I asked a few friends what their secret was and this is what I got..
    -Fight like husband and wife
    -Talk like best friends
    -Protect each other like brother and sister

    Love is the basis of everything but you will fight and you will get mad but you will always have that love to rely on when you start to feel your issues creep up.

  15. OMG congrats! My husband and I will be married 13 years in April. We’ve been together for 18 total. I can tell you this much from personal experience as an overthinker and someone prone to doubt… that never completely goes away. I mean, it gets easier and better, or it did for me, as I became more and more secure in my relationship. He’s my anchor. But at the same time, because of MY past sometimes I doubt or worry when there isn’t really a reason to do that. I have to remind myself this is my issue and not his and that it’s unfair to project it onto him because he’s never done a single thing to deserve any doubt.

    So I’d say if you find yourself doubting or scared, remind yourself that he makes you feel safe and that it’s not about him, but your past. And best wishes! <3

  16. Congratulations! Thank you for sharing the wonderful news! I’m sure you two are great together and will have a happy life.

    My husband and I have been together going on 12 years, since we were teens (almost 4 years married). As someone who is a counselor, I actively observe other couples and have found what I think are 2 major factors that increase the chances of staying together:
    1 ) If the person you married is who you’d consider one of your best friends, that helps a lot. That’s because they accept you for everything that you are, the good and the bad. Not to mention it also means that at the end of the day, you can have fun together and enjoy each others company.
    2) No matter how different a couple may seem, if at their core they are similar, that goes a long way. What I mean is that couples who have the same core beliefs (be it spiritual/philosophical, life’s mission, morals, values and/or can see themselves moving in the same direction) are connected on such a deep level that it seals in their love for each other and no matter what happens, that drive to be togerher can’t be shattered.

  17. Congratulations! Marriage is a big step and I hope you will have a lifetime of wedded happiness. My RL husband and I have been married for 26 years and been friends for most of our lives. There really is no secret to a happy marriage, each is different. He and I are friends and I think that is what makes it work even when we are arguing with one another. We keep our communication open and honest which I think sees us through as well. May your marriage last as long and with as much happiness as we have. <3

  18. Cinnamon Mistwood says:

    1. Don’t become boring – Do things together, go out to dinner, hiking, movies, have friends come over for game night, binge watch a TV series, make dinner together and clean up together. Share your relationship with others.

    2. Continue having your separate lives – keep your friends, keep your hobbies, do things apart, realize that you do not have to enjoy ALL things together. You may like football and he may want to volunteer at a dog shelter and walk dogs. Take that trip to the beach with your friends while he goes another direction. Have your own interests away from the relationship. Keep your secrets and let him have his.

    3. Speak kindly of each other to your friends and family when the other is not around. You still need people to confide in about the little annoying things the person who lives with you does, but make sure it is a trustworthy friend who knows the difference between venting and gossip.

    4. A relationship should only add to the happy life you already have. It never replaces an unhappy life. If you rely on your partner to make you happy or you feel the need to constantly ensure his, you have the wrong kind of relationship. It is a journey together that will change and grow over time. Let the changes happen and talk to each other, laugh together, and have a fun adventure together!

  19. Christine Lape Berger says:

    Congratulations to you both! May you have a long happy and healthy relationship where you both grow together.

  20. Christie Bryant (ArwennEvenstarUndmomiel on SL) says:

    Congratulations ^^ I know it is scary but as long as you are happy all is well.The best advice I can give may sound old fashioned but it is time challenged and worn and works for me.I have been married for 20 years.1.Always Be Honest with each other Communication is EVERYTHING.2.Never go to bed mad.work things out or if nothing else sit and talk it out.3.Overlook little things he does to aggravate you I am sure you have things that aggravate him to ^_~.I hope these help and I wish you Much Love & Happiness Always ~

  21. Congraaaats… so glad to hear… wish u a happy life.. hugs

  22. Brynn Darkfire says:

    Oh what a great surprise and so very happy for you. Congratulations!

    Advice – this comes from my Nana who was married over 50 years – and trust me it works!… acknowledge the nice things you do for each other no matter how big or small – we all need to hear we are doing a good job once in awhile – don’t assume he knows your happy and that you appreciate him – tell him and be specific – if you start doing it he will start doing it back. Its weird but it kind of brings a positive vibe to your world together. Alot of times we only tend to tell each other things that we dont like or make us mad. And dont let intimacy fall away even if you are really busy or mad at each other – even a daily kiss hello when you come in the door is something intimate that belongs just to you both and reminds you of what you are to each other.
    Best Wishes to you both!!!

  23. Victoriaa Tolsen says:

    Hey berry,
    First off huge congratulations on getting married and everything good happening in your life!!
    My advice would be to understand that when we get married our heart isn’t yet full of all the memories and happy times these will happen in time. The proverbial box…people expect it to be full the day you marry. So for my husband and I whom i met in sl found the best thing for our marriage is fully open communication truth about everything. Second is to understand that we all have bad days and those are the days ourselvesor our partnerwill need to lean on one another. And lastly you must choose to love one another eveyday even in the bad days. It is a choice by both to be in love. We don’t all of a sudden fall in love.
    Lots of and best wishes to you both he is a lucky man!

  24. Ok,, first let me say congratz to you and your man, secondly let me give you the best hint one could ever give regarding marriage, I guess:

    Don’t overthink it, don’t doubleguess, don’t question so much. Just enjoy the ride. Get angry at him and weather off his angryness at you. One or the other fight is inevitable, just make sure you can look each other in the face after the fight. Only important thing is that you both feel what you’re doing is right, that you truly belong together and that you don’t feel a need to wander. Marriage becomes boring and stale, it’s unavoidable. So pfff. Just stick to it, stand by your man and make sure he stands by you.

    We’re celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary this year, 30 years of being together next year. Sometimes it was hard work, needed compromising and all the usual stuff. But mostly it was a pure joy. And in all that time neither of us was questioning our relationship, even for a second.

    I guess that’s the most important thing: Being content with yourself, not giving up your own life but see the partnership as a bonus on your already great life, not the means to an end.

  25. My advise for you for a successful marriage is to put communication before everything. Don’t bottle things, don’t assume, don’t yell or fight or stew in silence. Communicate. Communicate lovingly, honestly, and be prepared to compromise, to figure out what is important to him and what is important to you and where the sweet spot between you is best. I am blessed with a good marriage to a man I trust implicitly and explicitly. The secret to our success is that we both value communication. Other than that, have each other’s backs. Give each other what space and time you each need. Trust each other. Love each other.

  26. Congratulations, Berry! I wish you both health and happiness. If I can offer any advice, it would be this. Commit to each other and to this marriage first; stand together firmly, a united front always. Always work towards agreement with compromise and don’t let separation/divorce even be an option. Life is hard, but committing to see it through to till death parts you is possible.

  27. Charm Shadow Lee says:

    Congratulations! 34 years married here, and in April it will be 40 years together. I’ve found it’s choosing him every day, and he chooses me. Life will throw situations at you that are sometimes difficult. You take turns being strong for one another having each other’s best interests at heart. Sometimes that can change from moment to moment. When things do get difficult or heated and you find yourself arguing, sometimes it’s best to put yourself in a “time out” until you can come back and have more of a conversation instead of a yelling match. (As a side note, sometimes it’s good to go to a thrift shop and pick up a few cheap plates to throw when you just need to let out the frustration. No use using the good everyday dishes to relieve stress! Giggles….that’s what I was told when I got married. I never had to use them.) You will find your sweet spot together. Always remember, above everything, LOVE comes first!

  28. Congratulations Berry, I wish you both a long and contented life together! I have to agree with Masha, communication is very important, but even more important is being kind. I have been married to the same guy, for 36 years, and there are times when we have been angry at each other and talking about it just doesn’t work. Sometimes, you will not agree and not compromise, and you will both be stuck in your corners, that is when kindness and friendship has to take over. A little bit of kindness goes a long long way!

  29. One of the best things I have ever heard is “don’t let the sun go down on your anger” and I agree about the time-out. Stop. Take a moment apart to breathe and think. Come back together to work it out together.

  30. Thats such great news Berry, your greatest adventure has just begun. Nice that you are sharing your good news with your readers. I am single but I have heard, that the secret to a long marriage is not to divorce! Enjoy yourselves.

  31. Congrats Berry, while marriage is not to be taken lightly, don’t forget to have fun together… the key word is together.. don’t keep secrets, they come back to haunt you.. talk to each other and listen well . but also set aside a certain amount of time for “Me time…” you are still an individual person and don’t want to loose that..so make sure he gets to know the real you , not the person you think he wants but the real you right from the beginning, not always easy ..but many years of happiness to you .. HUGGGS xx

  32. Wow congratulations Strawberry that’s so lovely.
    RL always comes first and I shall definitely miss your regular updates. But I’m sure you will get back to us soon.
    You have a really beautiful reason to not be diving into world at the moment,
    Beautiful news and enjoy that love xxx

  33. Congratulations Berry! <3

  34. Congrats wow I love ❤️ thanks so much for all into my short time , i am
    Found and love ❤️ you ! thanks all
    For your video , for all awesome beauty tips , all great tips by come new Secondlive into ! I can only say strawberry I love ❤️ your shape from pretty girl my one real avi shape ! She looks perfect by all skins hair really beauty ! And I can you good understand sozial Media is not all
    Into married live !??? Only your partner accept your work and will same stay into Secondlive I hope you will marry into Secondlive 2 I will love it ❤️❤️❤️ happy day ❤️❤️

  35. Kayami Osakki says:

    AWW! Congrats Berry! Wishing you much love!

  36. Moon Falconer says:

    Congratulations! Wishing you the very best and may God bless you both always:) Just remember it takes two to tango.

  37. Winter Jefferson says:

    Swallow.

  38. As long as you both are willing to ‘give’ you’re good. So give and take is my advice, try to find that balance. Congrats hun. x

  39. Wow congrats dear! I’m so happy for you, I really hope you will have to time to take care of us. kisses B.

  40. Awesome news! Congratulations and I believe the major key is respect, and active listening and then proceed to choose to be present in each other’s lives. Laughter is a very good key to most things and never stop admiring or appreciating the little everyday things that each other do for one another. Some things you might know about and some things you might know but always be appreciative for having that someone unique in your life that completes your wholeness.

  41. Titania Bracken says:

    Congrats on the marriage AND the kitchen. :)

    I’ve been with my hubby almost 20 years and we have both been second lifers 10 years and still on most days. We still have a strong loving relationship and I believe being open, honest, communication, compromise and taking time out for just the two of you helps. We have children too so we find it important to do things with our children but little things like parents only movie night every Saturday night or lunch out Saturday afternoon every week let’s us focus on each other.

    Don’t take each other for granted and make memories together so as time passes you have something wonderful to look back on and look forward to the new.

    Mwah xxxxx

  42. Married for 44 years. Here’s how. Don’t argue about small stuff. It always escalates. Don’t expect happiness from him. Find your own joy. Laugh. Remember you’re building memories to share one day. Congratulations.

  43. Aw, Berry…that’s awesome. Congratulations. I wish you both (and the kitten) the best.

    I can only impart one small shred of wisdom from my mom: “Never go to bed angry.” Talk out your disagreements and take the time to hear each other out.

  44. Congrats Berry.There are two main things to remember. Grow together and you are together because of the differences, learn to blend. (no one marries them-self) :)

    Dee♥♥

  45. Congratulations!!!!!!!!! I wish you both all the happy days and nights you can handle!!! Such wonderful and delightful news Berry

  46. LovelessDoll Clavem says:

    The only advice you need and that you need to follow is : communicate clear with eachother. Communicate problems and feelings and you guys will be good

  47. Congratulations!!!!! Best wishes to both of you for a long happy future!!!Hugs

  48. Congratulations Berry. I wish you both a life of happiness and contentment in your marriage.
    I seldom read all the comments, but these were compelling. I think Brynn Darkfire had a good suggestion about remembering to thank the other for the things that you appreciate and tell them that you love them. This is the kind of mutual support that, when the world is crashing in on you, you need from each other to get through whatever you have to face. The other thing is to make sure you verbalize your thoughts to each other, no one in this world is a mind reader and guessing never gets good results. This sounds simple, but both my parents and grandparents were married over 50 years and I saw how this made them grounded and happy.

  49. Naria Panthar says:

    Congratz Berry.

    Im married for 7 years now and I was in relationship with this men for 7 years prior to the marriage. Well my advice would be be honest to eachother and try to solve any problems when they accur and talk about eachother feelings.
    I only hope you know this men really well couse the key to happy mariagge would be to try it all out before you get merried …so living together and everything that goes with it. Before I got married my husband and I lived together for 5 years to even see if it all works out. We were together a lot and then (couse of my college) a lot apart to see if it work on long distance and when your together all the time. A lot of marriages are a problem in my opinin couse people dont really know eachother and dont know how it would acctualy be to live with the person …etc. Hope you talked to him about your and his plans for the future couse if you dont have same goals or see pretty much the same it can all go wrong so fast.
    And in today’s world it’s really hard to stay together couse people just see all the mistakes on the partner so fast so you just remember no one is really perfect everybody has something that you wont really like it just depends what your going to take and dont. Never look for a perfect relationship couse non are perfect … specially when your together for a longer time.
    Good luck with your marriage I just hope you didnt merry him to fast.

  50. Congrats on getting married Berry! I wish you and your new husband a long and happy marriage

  51. I’m so very happy for you Strawberry. I have no advise, I’m not married, other than love and forgive. Does Manberry know about this? =) Hugs to you!!!

  52. Adianna Price says:

    Congratulations and much love to you and your new husband.

    Being able to laugh at, and with each other is very important. Being able to accept your flaws, and laugh at yourself. Lord knows this is key in my marriage, because then, I am able to laugh at his.

  53. Berry, G and I are SO happy for you! You’ve already gotten a lot of fantastic advice here so I won’t reiterate it (too much). We both wish you a lifetime of love, happiness, great friendship and the ability to weather the changes, both good and bad, that life will bring you. Those are inevitable and powerful in learning more about how to love and live with each other. So much <3 to you and your new husband!

  54. Congratulations Berry, If I could offer one piece of advice for the coming years, it would be remember to give each other their space. Learn to leave each other alone when they need to be simply left alone for a bit. It may sound distant, but it really lends itself towards making it last. Good Luck

    Hugz, Lap

  55. Congratulation, Berry! Thats a nice surprise =D Wish you both a wonderful life together, peace, love and every day at least one good reason to laugh <3 <3

  56. Jessicaann Wrigglesworth says:

    Congratulations ! As for advise on marriage, I would have to say the most important thing is talk to each other about everything. Tell him about your worries about the relationship, what you expect out of it etc.. Also when you do fight make sure to use “I” statements. [I feel left out when you go out with your friends … etc.] what ever it is. Also important is to accept some of the little things that you may not like, habits or parts of personality that you may not agree with, acceptance does mean you have to agree. It is just understanding that it is a part of him and to really love someone you must be willing to accept things you might not like. And when you have those days when you think why am I in this relationship, make a list of the traits that you dont like go over it and decide, can you live with it when he does this or that, try your best to decide to life with the small things you may not like. To often people think their love one is perfect, and then when the human part of them comes out or the rose fads of them glasses they look for a way out, to leave. Accept each other as humans, celebrate your flaws.

  57. Wow! So happy for you! I’m wishing for a happy and fulfilling couple-hood for you all (and the kitten)

    m

  58. ~Be happy! Wishing you two the best!

    You are going to be missed! ;)

  59. Many many congrats Berry, all my best wishes. I won’t advice anything, you will understand what and how in time. The fact you scared a little just because it’s new to you :) Enjoy your new role, new life and be happy. Kittens need your love and attention :) And we too haha

  60. Congrats Strawberry from all Altamura Staff!! We wishes you all the best and a lot of Joy!! Thank you for your professionalism and to have shared with us your Real! ;)

  61. Congratulations! Since my track record for relationships tends to be shakey, I will tell you of my parents, who were married for over 55 years.
    I think the one thing I noticed 1st, was that in the morning and every evening, they said I love you and shared a little kiss. I asked my mom one day about that and she mentioned that you should remind your partner every day, why they married you. Dad had the same answer basically with a little more..he never stopped dating and courting her.
    They were best friends. They both knew the ups and downs of each other and not only accepted those things but seemed to enjoy them, which leads me to humor. They shared quite a bit of that. Dad has the loud laugh and mom always had the giggle and they often shared that with each other.
    They were a team. They played to their strengths all the time and they were there for each other. If they did argue, they talked it through till they were both on the same page. Communication was a huge thing between the two of them. Through all this and the years, you felt the love they shared, the deep respect for each other, the care and the total devotion they had. Is there a special secret for marriage? I don’t know but I do know that after watching them together for all those years, those things all helped get them through the good and the not so good times.

  62. Congratulations Berry, to you and your husband. I know that you’ll be very happy. I’ve been married longer than I lived with my parents and the adjustment at first was difficult. Even though I knew my husband for many years before marriage, day-to-day living is entirely different. So your fears are something most of us have experienced. My advice is simple:
    1. Don’t sweat the small stuff – just let it go
    2. Laugh lots together- life is a blast
    3. Learn to compromise – easy to say, at times harder to do.
    And finally, from my Mom
    4. Always have your own bank account – could have $5. or $50 but it’s yours
    Best of everything coming your way!

  63. Congratulations !

    I have no advice to give but my gramma always said, do not let anger go to bed with you at night, never part without a kiss and an *I love you* because we never know for sure when the parting will be the last one.Pray together.

    Best of luck to both of you

  64. Congratulations and sincere wishes for a long and happy marriage!

  65. Congrats to you Berry!
    We are all so very excited and happy for you. Just take things one day at a time. Enjoy each other and try to relax.

  66. Thank you so much everyone. Your advice, kindness and well wishes are incredibly encouraging. I’m so thankful for everything in my life, including you all. I’ve settled into my new home and feeling more optimistic today.

    Going to make some time for SL today too. I’ll be back with more posts very soon. Have a wonderful day you guys and thanks again for all the support! <3

  67. I have been married 25 years, 26 this coming April and if there is anything that I can offer is:

    1) NEVER go to bed angry with each other, it get’s too rough waking up knowing that you will have the same argument still growing within both parties.
    2) Communicate… NEVER even a white lie (unless you are throwing them a party) but be upfront about your needs, desires, and feelings.
    3) When it comes to putting up with family take turns. Not everyone gets along with each other, so don’t force that puzzle piece, just make sure you each take turns with your families when things like special events are coming.
    4) Make all decisions as a unit. It shows that you have respect for their thoughts, and it includes them making it a bonding experience when you do.
    5)Do not try and change the person you are with. You have obviously accepted them the way they are so attempting to change even the smallest of habits, (squeezing toothpaste from top of tube etc). Don’t try and make your partner conform to what you think others will want to see in them.

    Congratulations! Wish you well!

  68. Firstly Congrats!!!!!

    I haven’t followed you long and only been married close to four years. It’s my first and his second. We have great days and hard days. But I have decided (so far ) that I’m gonna keep him. I also have a long history of bad relationships insecurities worries, but he does too. Sometimes it’s the hardest job I’ve had, but those weeks that he takes care of me from being ill depressed or anything else I know I’ve hit the jackpot. And about kittens….I had one, he had one and now we have 4!!

    I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Now if we could just afford a maid!!!

  69. Sketch.Landar says:

    Congrats Strawberry!

  70. Hillspirit Tuppakaka says:

    Congratulations to you both, and warm wishes for a long and happy life together. Advice? Well, marry your best friend, and a good relationship should include tolerance, forgiveness, compromise, communication, love, and laughter. Also, never go to sleep on a row, neer storm out the house in a temper and drive off.. accidents can happen. Learn to live through the bad times, if they do happen.

  71. Congrats are in order first and foremost…Josiah and I have married now for 6 years and I think one of the keys to a successful marriage is the commitment itself. Under no circumstances is there an “out”, divorce is not in our vocabulary so that forces you both to come up with solutions, or compromises whatever the case may be. The other key is communication, I don’t hold back; when I am feeling insecure I tell him that…or, I ask him how he’s feeling about “us”. It opens up the line and keeps things clear between us. There’s really nothing that I know of between us to this day. Another key is to keep out any potential for inappropriateness; for instance, as everyone knows in SL some avatars can be real perv’s, they start hitting on you without bothering to read your profile. I let them know right away that I am not interested, and then I tell Josiah. I am not sure he does the same for me, but, to my knowledge, he doesn’t allow himself in any inappropriate or compromised positions either. (He know’s that it would not be a good result for him if he did–lol) To me it’s all about the other person…making sure their needs are met…because if they are met, than I can gaurantee that yours will be too.

  72. You can learn from those of us who have had a divorce, too. :) Stay true to yourself. Keep hold of things that are important to you. It can be tempting to just want to immerse yourself into your partner, and I do think being involved in their likes and interests are important, but he needs his stuff, you need yours. Everyone has their own communication style. Boy, does it save a lot of hassle if you learn each other’s! There are so many parts to a good relationship! But honesty and respect and communication goes a long way. When that fails…humor works. :) Enjoy this time, don’t stress too much. And so much congratulations and best wishes for you!

  73. Congratulations!!!! I love seeing you happy, you deserve it! ❤️

  74. Wow, congrats hun! ♥
    I’m not married so I can’t give you any advice except: enjoy every moment as the last one.

  75. Elissiana Caproni says:

    Congrats ! I wish you all the best! Not married but with any kind of change in life it’s best to take things one step at a time and keep the lines of communication open and strong. I hope you have many wonderful years together!

  76. Pushka Damour says:

    Congratulations!

    I had issues with relationships myself. Luckily I found a man who just won’t give up on me. I hope yours does that for you as well.

    I haven’t been married long but here’s what I’ve learned in the past year:
    -Phones at meals are annoying
    -Silence is okay. You don’t have to be doing the same thing, just be in the same room.
    -Have separate activities. We do a lot together but Thursday evenings and Sundays he goes out with his friends and I go out with mine.
    -If you are upset, tell him and tell him why. Don’t let it eat at both of you.
    -My sister uses these “get out of jail free cards”. Each partner gets one a month, so when they screw up royally, they present one of the cards and the other partner is suppose nod and say okay, I won’t be mad this time. My sister and her husband say it works wonderfully and just seeing the card evaporates their anger.

    Good luck!

  77. Congratulations ! Be happy Miss Singh !
    Never been married, but my mother, who has been for more than 50 years tells me communication is the key to it ! ^_^

  78. Pauline Clary says:

    Congratulations!!

  79. Oh, Berry, congratulations – and best wishes! A marriage is a wonderful, happy, important thing and your wedding will always be a wonderful memory!
    We had three weddings: we eloped first to a sweet little place we knew about and surprised everyone, and then we had a traditional service with lots of people (and a honeymoon!)…and then…we had a SecondLife wedding at a lovely location. The SL wedding was in 2009 (the other two were…ummm…several years earlier).
    We are crazy in love, but we do have disagreements – and we even fight. BUT…we fight fair and we talk about everything, so we always have an idea about what the other is thinking, feeling, and needing. That seems essential to me.
    Otherwise: HAVE FUN! Being in love is marvelous – and life is full of opportunity to enjoy. Big fun – like travel and special dinners out and buying a new home or having a baby – is incredibly fulfilling…but it’s those little things – like loving glances across the breakfast table, holding hands on a walk together, doing something special for one another such as little gifts to share, or stolen kisses in the hallway whilst doing laundry – that make all the difference in the world.
    Go to it, go after it, LIVE your LOVE and have a wonderful time for years and years to come!
    Always, M

  80. PS: I so appreciate the notes from others than mention the importance of taking care of YOURSELF – and for your husband to take care of HIMSELF too. Knowing oneself and what is needed makes a huge difference in ALL relationships, most especially truly intimate ones.
    Always know that you matter – that your feelings and needs matter – and so do his. When each of you takes care in this way, when you come together there is a powerful connection between two whole souls and spirits. THAT makes for wonder and magic as you truly share.
    Much love,
    M

  81. Congratulations. As a gay man, married for many years and more years with the same man my best advise: Talk Talk Talk. You will not have rainbows and roses day after day. That sounds cliché but that’s where you either win or lose with your relationship. Backpaddle when you go too far, make him backpaddle when he goes too far. And keep talking. Even when things are rough. Also, remember Marriage is a real commitment in those times and you should value that. Not ONE marriage is perfect. ‘the love was gone – FIND it’ ‘we drifted apart – Find Eachother again’ ‘I feel in love with someone else – Enjoy it, don’t act on it’ – oh and one final word of advice: I am all for equality and equal rights. But don’t let your independence stop you from taking care of him or letting him take care of you. There is NO shame in cooking for him, caring for him, washing for him, fixing stuff with his powertools so he doesn’t have to, nor is there shame in him doing the same things for you! Find your talents, exploit them, and take care of eachother. Just because you CAN do it all alone, doesn’t mean you should!

  82. We’ve been married 17 years and I think one of the reasons for our longevity is communication. Sure, we have gone to bed mad at each other. But we have never stopped talking. In the past my husband’s job has taken him all over the world and he would be gone for months at a time, one time over a year. But we would skype almost daily and email several times a day. Never stop communicating.

  83. i have been married to one man for 35 years, and many ups and downs, a lot of growing up for me, as i am 15 years my husband’s junior.

    A marriage is like a person, it has a life all it’s own, and it must grow from infancy and eventually to old age. First you are giddy, can’t keep your hands off each other, but as the years go by you become comfortable,stable and a whole new kind of love developes. You find that you love just having that person around, and that you and your husband know what the other wants, and feels you become one entity.

    I guess what I am saying is…… leave room to grow.

    CONGRATULATIONS, I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR NEW HUSBAND, MANY HAPPY TIMES AWAIT YOU…
    MUCH LOVE

    STARVED Magics

  84. Never give up your Personality dear Berry! And never give up any Hobbys from your old life! I did this and i had a broken relationship and after? I was alone, and no one have ben there and no one was asking about me, because i left everyone for my Love. It has last a long time to get my old life back and i never would ever give up anything not even for another Love. All the best for you!

  85. Congratulations, all the best to you and your husband. Anthea

  86. Congratulations Berry to you and your new husband. Anthea

  87. Congratulations Berry!!

    I have been married in rl for 8 years. I am as happier any day. It’s the little things that I think keeps us like that. We alwys laugh with each other. We do little things for each other even making tes without being asked for it, is something I fund as charming as flowers. It’s never easy, but if it’s the right one, you don’t need our advice. Just be happy. Look at your hubby and be happy.

    I think in sl we sometimes forget what amazing people we have in rl. I think to tell your friends and readers that you dedicate your life for this new situation is a welcomed and blassed idea. Don’t keep it only to this new beginning. Every once in a while tell everyone you need a while and take it.

    Mazal Tov as they say here in Tel Aviv! Many greetings ♥♥♥

  88. Leannan Wolfgang says:

    OMG, I wondered what happened to you on Facebook! I’ve missed you!! <3

    I am so happy for you, I know how much of a difference that little piece of paper can seem to make, but remember that you are both still the same two people you were before that signing.

    I am on my third marriage IRL, to a man who rescued me from my previous marriage, whom I met on SL. We've been together for 11 years, been living together and married for 10 of those years. He is currently the longest relationship I have ever had, and we are still madly in love (I have an SL partner too, who is a separate guy and my RL husband knows and is friends with him, but that is an entirely different story… just needed to add that before someone goes, "but wait…" if they know me but don't know the story:D )

    RL hubby and I have several main rules to our marriage that work for any relationship you want to last:
    1) Never lie, even if you think it is going to hurt.
    2) If you are mad and starting to say things you know are going to REALLY hurt, agree to take a breather. One or both of you go for a walk (not a drive, a walk) around the block… or 5 blocks, depending on the level of temper. Come back when you can think coherently, try again.
    3) If you feel like you are unable to discuss it verbally, write it down and give it to each other that way. Hell, IM each other from other rooms. Sometimes seeing it written down, helps to put the thoughts down in a way that makes more sense to both of you.
    4) DATE NIGHT, once a week. Even if it is gaming, or snuggling watching a movie. Dress up for a dinner at home once a night, be corny, be romantic. Keep that fire going.
    5) Write I love you notes.
    6) and yeah, never, ever, ever go to bed angry. Sit up if you have to and get it out of your heart, or you will both regret it.

    and last but not least
    7) Say "I love you" before you or he leaves each other for work or to go to the grocery store or to hang out with friends. Get in a kiss before you or he walks out the door to go somewhere. Not just "in case", but also to remind one another what matters.

    Loves ya, Berry. Congrats again!!!! ♥

  89. Hey there and many congratulations! I see a lot of good advice here. Some a bit over the top in my experience but we each have to find our own path to happiness.

    My biggest advice would be to be FRIENDS first. Romance and sex are wonderful things but they have a difficult time if their isn’t a solid foundation.

    Number two? Be yourself. Don’t get caught up in being what you believe he (or anyone) wants you to be. You have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else.

    And since this is a few decades after my marriage, I will add that all relationships do not last — that be romance, friendship or marriage. There is no failure if things don’t turn out to be for-e-ver. The important thing is the time you had together and what you learned — so discard the fear and simply live.

  90. Congratulations Ms. Best SL blogger ever! Chill out, I’m sure everything will be fine. :)

    All the best to you for this new journey.

  91. Riviera Medier says:

    Oh WOW! — Congratulations to you Both! Much Love. I suppose if you both ever decide to exchange wedding vows in Second life, it would be akin to a Royal Wedding. On second thought, it would also probably break Second Life however it would be one of Second life’s ALL-TIME Highlights. Oh that coveted invitation !

  92. Blaise Glendevon says:

    Congratulations, belatedly, on your marriage! I’m not married yet – June 3rd is coming soon, though. But one of my friends who is a therapist recommended a book and workbook for my fiance and I to go through in lieu of premarital counseling, which is usually a religious affair and we are not.

    So, as we lead up to the wedding, we’ll be working through Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson and An Emotionally-Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us. Maybe you two could get some use out of those, as well.

  93. Tressa Beaumont says:

    CONGRATULATIONS STRAWBERRY :P imho the answer to a successful marriage is to treat him like a good friend and vice versa… we don’t *divorce* friends if we have a difference of opinion.. nor do we replace one friend for another. If you have a great friendship as the basis, then when you are 90 and can’t do much more than shake hands lol, you have a great friendship to get you through <3 the rest is easy <3

  94. Nino Heartsdale says:

    whoa!!! Congrats! Wishing you both much love and happiness in your future together!!!

  95. Meriadne Merlin says:

    mhm, if i may state out my oppinion as a therapist: I think each couple needs 2 focuses. 1. They llok at each other and 2. they look on a common goal.The first years this can be raising children and building up a home. But those goals are finally fragile.So a common social engagement, responsability for something shared together or shared interests are better. Those things are like an island of safety you can go to when times are hard. They show you why you are together. All couples that only see themselves will split up. (Sorry for my english). Best wishes and a good time
    Meriadne

  96. Zeeksparrow says:

    Congrats Berry, all the very best for your future.. Enjoy life oooh and HUBBY is such a nice word to say everyday..Cherish everyday

  97. Congratulations! I’m so happy for you!

  98. Purrfekted Mercy says:

    Congratulations!! After 15 yrs the best tips I could pass on would be..first, no matter what arises, always remember the reason you took this step, it will be the thing to anchor you when you feel like you are done…second, always communicate honestly with each other, all things can be worked out if you both follow this rule..and last, dont sleep on it…if you go to bed with anger, it will be worse when you wake the next day, its really better to kiss and make it right before closing your eyes for the night…And btw..LOVE your blog, thanks for all the helpful info!

  99. I am very happy for you. Taking the plunge off the high diving board is brave. I live this way a lot of the time. I dive into the deep end of the pool on a regular basis so to speak. Life is short and don’t be afraid to grab it tight often and enjoy everything in some way.

  100. Michael Kaiser says:

    Separate bathrooms.

  101. Raene Storme says:

    Yay! So happy for you. I’ve been married 16 years. First and foremost my advice would be to never go to bed mad at each other. Try always to work it out. Secondly always remember there is three sides to communication.. yours, his and then finding a common ground. I was also never really good at relationships but there are a few things I’ve learned.. I’m am actually not always right, sigh.. lol. Making a weekly date night is super important and the more years you’re together, the sweeter it gets.(that is no lie.) Also if you make him a priority, he’ll return it tenfold. Life is so short, it’s all about enjoying what you have, while you have it and finding fun and enjoyment in each other. Best wishes to you both!

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