Mean Comments Meme
(this is a raw shot)
I recently saw a TED Talk of Monica Lewinsky‘s where she addressed the topic of cyber bullying. I know what some of you may be thinking. It’s Monica Lewinsky, she’s someone who fooled around with a married man. Why should we be listening to her? She was in her early twenties at that time and it was in 1998 where she was publicly shamed all over the world for what she did. I recall hearing and reading about the whole ordeal back then. I was only 18 at that time and doing many foolish things myself and at the age of 34 today, I still continue to do foolish things. So regardless of how I feel about her and what she did, I try not to place too much judgement.
This is the complete TED Talk, I think she has made some very good points. The talk is worth listening to if you haven’t as of yet.
Her closing line of the talk sums it up pretty well and what I feel is quite an important statement if people pay attention to it:
“We all deserve compassion. And to live both online and off in a more compassionate world.”
I’ve spoken about it before…the anonymity of the internet giving people an easy way to be unnecessarily rude or snarky towards others. These days there are whole websites that focus on ‘gossip’ and ridiculing celebs or just regular people. Sadly we even have websites that do that in our virtual communities. I have my opinions and thoughts about these kinds of outlets and if they are considered ‘cyber bullying.’ I honestly don’t consider this bullying, some may, but I do think it is a form of cruelty that usually results from people’s insatiable desire to somehow entertain themselves at the expense of others so they are able to forget or feel better about their own miserable little lives.
For this week’s Monday Meme, I wanted to highlight this TED Talk in hopes that it might resonate with some of my blog readers and make you also want to spread the message and contribute to a more compassionate Internet, or at least, a Second Life.
Meme instructions: Answer the following questions either on your own blog, in the comments of this post or on any social platform.
- Have you ever been subjected to mean comments online by strangers? If not, then skip to question #5. – I’ve been a blogger and photographer for over seven years now. I’ve put my words, images and thoughts out there for the world to see. When you do something like that, it’s natural to expect and even receive all kinds of comments and critiques from people. So yes, I have received many comments on different social networks and even personal IMs that were on the questionable side and the intentions of the authors seemed more as if they wanted to ridicule than give constructive criticism.
- How did you respond to them? – Majority of the time, if it wasn’t an honest critique, I ignored and didn’t respond at all.
- How did they make you feel? – In the early years, it bothered me. Especially at times when I was attacked on something that was very personal, something to do with my real life or just thoughts I’ve shared. But now, I’ve learned not too share too much of myself online and also not to let someone else’s negative energy mess with me.
- Can you share some of the mean comments you’ve received and your thoughts on them? – I guess this is the part where we can all pretend we’re on Jimmy Kimmel and read mean tweets about us, but I honestly don’t want to do that for myself. Mainly because I don’t really want to call out people here or give them unnecessary attention, but there are a few things I did want to point out in hopes that people are more aware of their actions in the future.
I received this comment on one of my social networks regarding this image where I’m wearing a tattoo. Now, at first glance, this comment isn’t really that mean. It’s just some person being silly making fun of the way my tattoo looks, and it honestly did not bother me. But the reason I’m sharing it here is because it is the perfect example of negative intention. Why was this comment made on my picture? Everyone has their own likes and dislikes and preferences about what they choose to wear. I personally like that tattoo, but I totally understand that others may not and I absolutely have no problems with people wanting to voice their ‘opinions’ about said tattoo. So I guess this is their opinion, but I think the way that opinion was shared was not in a very constructive or helpful way. My guess is they were trying to make a joke, however, I feel the intention in this comment was mean-spirited. This is why I feel the message of asking for a more compassionate internet is so very important. Now, don’t get me wrong, this is so far from the meanest comment I’ve ever received. I’ve had people call me horrible names, make fun of my appearance in dreadful ways, ridicule me for being an active Second Lifer that promotes Linden Lab and let’s not forget the words ‘overrated and pretentious’ two words that are often used for me and about me. I chose to share this comment because it is one of the more recent ones and it wasn’t just some anonymous person trolling me, it was someone sharing an opinion but not in a productive way. - Have you ever ridiculed or negatively commented on someone else’s work, actions or personality with the intention to hurt them? – One thing that my dad has always taught me is to do what you feel is right in your heart and with good intentions. I really try to follow that in every aspect of my life, however, I am human and I am pretty sure I have said and done things that were hurtful to people. I am thankfully not the sort of person that likes to spread negativity around and have never left comments ridiculing people on their own posts or images, nor would I ever. I am not a very opinionated person. I am actually pretty apathetic towards most topics that don’t interest me or have anything to do with me. If I don’t like something, I don’t feel the need to comment on it. I just direct my attention towards the things that I do like. I think this has saved me from putting my foot in my mouth often, not always, but often.
I almost didn’t write about this topic because I felt I might receive negative backlash because of it. But I think, even if one person listens to the TED Talk and learns something from it, then it’s worth it. I hope there is a movement towards a more compassionate internet. We are always asking people to donate funds to help those in need. It’s not always funds or material items that people need though. People also need compassion, verbal support and just the comfort of knowing people are there for them. Please remember that positive words can change and save a life!
If you’re the kind of person that is spreading negativity, let it go. Don’t let it define who you are in the real world or your voice on the internet. Help promote a more compassionate internet. Contribute to the community in a positive way, and take a moment to make someone’s day. <3
Please remember that you can participate in any of the memes/challenges at any time. You’ll find them all under my Blog Challenges category along with other memes and challenges I’ve done over the years. You don’t have to have a blog to do this challenge, you can share your words in the comments or on any social platform.
Credits:
Skin: New Faces – Willow [Mocha] Brunette by Gwen Aloix
*Eyes: IKON Charm Eyes – Brown by Ikon Innovia
Eyelashes: Mon Cheri “Falsies” Eyelash by Freya Olivieri
Hair: booN POI481 hair chocolate by boo Nakamura
Tattoos:
> Izzie’s – Smeared Mascara
> Izzie’s – Eyebags+Blemishes+Anger Wrinkles (warm skintones)
> Izzie’s – Eyebags (warm skintones) stronger
By Izzie Button (@ TDR)
The only time recently I have been insulted is when I responded to a social commentary post where I took a different point of view lol. It’s so easy to get into a verbal spar where insults can be hurled through cyber space.
Second Life – hmm- I’m no longer big into the virtual social life but some of my recollections were not pleasant. It’s so easy to behave badly anonymously.
Thanks you for this meme Strawberry, its very timely for me. I raised this very subject a little while back on SLU, due to a comment left on my blog. The comment had nothing to do with the photos, or content Id shown – it was a remark about something I had mentioned pertaining to my real life – it was just kinda mean spirited. It shook me, in four years (I guess I’m lucky) I haven’t had that sort of thing on the blog. I felt sad , and upset – it was early morning and I didn’t react as I thought/had hoped I might do.
I didn’t respond to the remark, there wasn’t anything I could say to make it “nicer” or to even let the poster know I had told a truth and not a lie – what’s the point in trying right?
I’ve learnt over the 7 years of being in SL (not just SL but always really) you get out what you put in – being kind, helpful and yourself goes a long way, much more so than shooting out negativity, Id rather make someone smile than frown kinda deal.
(I will admit to having entered into debates on web forums where I could’ve been a whole lot nicer or understanding perhaps.)
Very thought-provoking thingy this week, Ms. Strawberry.
http://primdolls.blogspot.com/2015/03/monday-meme-mean-comments.html
Great post, Berry! I’m very much like you in the respect I am not all that opinionated on most things. I don’t use my energy to get involved in discussions that look as if they’re going to turn negative. I also won’t use energy on commenting on something I don’t like. I will give critique if asked, but I am of the mindset that critique is something to be handled with care. It must be constructive, respectful, and highlight the good as well as observations how something might be done in a different way.
For instance, if I make a dress, I do like opinions. When I have been working on something for awhile, I like another pair of eyes to look at it and tell me if they think a seam looks crooked, or if the colors seem a bit off, if the shading is too dark. But there isn’t a need to make a personal attack like, “Your design skills suck.” or “That dress is fugly.” (In that case, just say the dress isn’t your particular style. Be polite about it.) I welcome comments that will help me improve, not those meant to tear me apart.
I wish more people would communicate with respect. It goes a long way!
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HI! I ignored the meme but posted something anyway! https://poultryreport.wordpress.com/2015/03/30/ignoring-the-meme/ (Oprah: “You get a kitty and you get a kitty and you get a kitty and ….”)
I do feel sensible to the topic although not a blogger I have been ridiculed for simply not knowing something. Now I am not perfect and I watch drama unfold before me on this community without really thinking much of it till something bad happens to me.
However the issue of being bullied is old and usually its a lead road to making you become stronger. Not all make it through and some by being bullied become bullies themselves. It is a though world but it is a reality we must confront. If anything, when you feel overwhelmed seek help. I don’t endorse bullying and I would stop my children if I found out but you can’t protect them always so you have to teach them to fight back and not let them become victims.
There is constructive criticism yes and I am supporter of not shutting your mouth just cause you do not have something nice to say. We need someone to tell us the negative because the world is made of that… but has to be exposed in the adult manner.
On the above comment I mean if it was a close friend I would hit that person with a pillow but when coming from someone I don’t know just sounds like they are crying for attention. Yours in this case. Sometimes a comment like this means a lot more than just “I don’t like your tattoo”, a lot more.
This post really brought back memories.
Writing the responses really brought back memories of my old website. *sigh*
Dearest Berry and all of the Mostly GOOD people in this world.
I didn’t even read your meme until now but did a very similar post a few hours ago of someone saying negative things to me.
This was my response http://www.blushberri.com/blog/f
((hugs)) Blush
Oh Berry you’ve hit a well healed nerve with this.
In general, I haven’t been bullied in my life. The only time was 2 girls in elementary school who took a dislike to me as the “new girl” when my family relocated to another state. But, this was short lived and didn’t really effect me long term.
Fast forward to entering SL. 30 years later! There was one incredibly infamous person who pretty much made it his mission to piss off as many people as possible. He thought he was witty and beyond reproach and developed a sickening persona. Not only was he nasty, self absorbed and obnoxious but he apparently kept copious notes on those he bullied using your personal information to embarrass, belittle and anger. On the old official forums, he ran rampant and nothing and nobody could stop him. I and my partner, who you also know (RL and inworld) were always fairly open about ourselves and he would remember every small detail we ever wrote and turn it against us, most especially me for some reason. I have NO idea why he picked me. It was infantile, and unreasonable.
I fought back verbally but it took it’s toll on me to a degree that I can’t even believe I experienced. It kept me from various inworld gatherings, as I was always concerned about running into him. To make matters worse, he had a long list of synchophants who for some strange reason found him amusing and worth being involved with. Maybe it was just because they were too afraid he’d turn on them too, who knows.
It is a sickness with some people, this urge to inflate their own egos by tearing others apart. I had no experience online with this type of behavior until I arrived in SL, so was not prepared and ill equipped to ignore him.
I don’t hang out with the group of people who may still know him. I don’t even know if he’s still active in SL. I see him post elsewhere on another well known blog now and then and I am careful when posting there not use my avatar name (this one, as you know, is not my in world persona).
It’s been a few years now since I’ve had to worry about this. I’ve learned a lot about this problem and there’s no way I’d be weak enough to let it bother me again. I’ve developed a thicker, slicker skin from that experience where negativity rolls off of me.
Interesting….
I’ve had a few of what I thought were clearly not polite things happen even quite recently. I think sometimes it’s 50/50 as far as misinterpreting or being correct that the person was quite rude. I can step away and move on just fine one day, and another day I bite on it and am oversensitive…the feeling of being messed with takes me over and I let my response flow openly… not recommended. When I think of cyber-bully, I’m thinking more of a very purposeful hater/stalker type who gets off on provoking others from the comfort of a keyboard. But maybe it’s not so black and white…. I know for me, I need to work on always taking a deep breath if something in written form arrives to me that I feel is an attack.
In which Skell channels Thumper, and muses that opinions are like arseholes; everybody has one, and some people enjoy exposing them, whether they’re wanted or not:
http://www.virtualbloke.com/archives/2221
As someone who’s been a target many times of unnecessary and cruel comments on the internet, I thank you for doing this post. Maybe it will make some people stop and think. How their hateful words can affect another person. The world’s a cruel enough place as it is…<3
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Thank you, Strawberry. It’s an important topic and hopefully it’ll help us to think a bit more before we just start typing or speaking..
I’ve participated:
http://shaedynlee.com/strawberrys-mean-comments-meme/
Recently, in february I did a, quite personal, blogpost about my own hater and included some of the screenshots that this indivudual (anonymously) has left over the past years. I feel sorry for everyone who has to deal with the crazies and found my post more than enough – reason I am not doing the meme: I don’t feel I need to give my ‘hater(s)’ the honour of yet another article.
This is my post from last February:
http://caitlintobias.com/2015/02/11/the-darker-side-of-blogging/
Playing catch-up since I missed the last few weeks… http://bit.ly/1CFKg9E. NSFW since there are naughty bits in some of the photos!
This was a good post Berry. I was a blogger, recently I decided to retire for rl reasons but I remember being frustrated of feeling as if I wasn’t good at what I was doing. I put too much weight on favorites and comments. There has never been a comment on my blog pics that I recall that someone was rude or said they didn’t like what I had done. However, I did have a “friend” at the time who is no longer a friend completely just gut me with their “opinion” I don’t mind constructive criticism. I don’t even mind if you don’t like my pictures or styling. It’s a whole other thing when that “friend” basically tells you your work is plain, looks like you put no effort into it (which you did), lacks creativity and they understand why you don’t get accepted by known designers who may be looking for bloggers. More was said but that was the meat and potatoes of it. Maybe said person didn’t really know how harsh it sounded or discouraging it was, or maybe they knew exactly how it sounded and for some reason wanted to hurt your feelings. All I know is it was the first time I really wondered, could it be true? Could I just be a total failure? Of course after a few hours, I tossed those words in the trash where they belonged. Being that I was always supportive of them and their growth. I defended them when they were talked bad about and rude comments were put on pics of their own work, I thought they would extend that same courtesy. It’s unfortunate, but everyone will have their own opinions. You just can’t let it get to you and keep on keeping on.
I am going to write something on this theme although my experiences haven’t been QUITE in this theme — but close enough.
Meanwhile I wanted to say that I REALLY like that skin on you. It doesn’t seem “you” but maybe another LAYER of you? Not sure how to express that — but it IS a compliment – LOL.
Onward.
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Hey.
I don’t actually know, what the hype is about? HUMANS are not make to live in a land of rainbows and unicorns. As long as medias like the TV exist, the humanhood won’T evolving.
People were, are and will allways be evious, jealous, rude, hating and so on. Even if someone is holding a speech about it nobody will think about it. If Humans were made to be compassionate, they would be. right?
I don’t mean, that your Meme is BS. I just think that the Outpointing the obvious doesn’t help.
And i know how it is to be bullied RL and SL.
“BULLIES ONLY HAVE THEY POWER YOU ALLOW THEM TO HAVE!”
P.S. I really like the tired look 😀 i am against magazine beauty 😀
Hi, Berry!
I’m a TED fan (read: fanatic), and I had seen Ms. Lewinsky’s talk shortly after it went public. I enjoyed listening to her and think her message is an important one, especially in the digital age. I am so glad to see your post on it – and this meme is an opportunity to explore cyberbullying and its cousins: mean-spirited anonymous commentary (largely to be ignored) and unnecessarily cruel (and often misguided) comments by those who share their names (mostly, to be evaluated for any useful content).
There is another talk (or set of talks) that is relevant here, and I included a link in my post from last week’s meme. The work of Dr. Brene Brown is not to be missed. If anyone reading this has not learnt of it yet, please explore – it is stunning and important work on so many levels… Her TEDx Houston talk was a stunner – and the rest that has come after is just as good – and there are several of her TED and other talks preserved on YouTube and her own blog/website – and at Oprah.com.
Sorry to go on so.
Nope. I am pleased to carry this message forth – and thank you for the opportunity!
I will complete this meme tonight; it will be up at http://cesoirarts.com/ soon.
My best wishes to you, Berry, and my thanks; I always find your posts about such serious topics to be balanced and honest. Have I ever told you how much I appreciate that? I truly do.
To anyone who has experienced negativity or worse online or otherwise: may the angels bless you and remind you that while other people’s opinions (and not well-thought-through commentary) can sometimes carry important information you can use…take Dr. Brown’s amazingly star-lit advice about which critics matter. (HINT! Check out her talks!)
Love,
M
I’m too new too the social media to have been cybered bullied, but much like sivyaleah commented above, I too was physically bullied when in grade school, being pushed and shoved to the ground by two of the popular girls in the class, when they took offense by something that happened earlier in that day ( I don’t know what it was). I just remember being pushed back and forth by the two of them and all the other kids circling and chanting to hurt or hit me. Felt like forever and no one stopped them from pushing me, until they pushed me off my feet i stayed down on the ground and the girls and the crowd walked off. My friend stayed behind to help me get back to my feet, then to make matters worse I had a cut on my face that started to bleed, when my friend yells after the two girls ‘hope your happy you cut her face!’ Oh that so did not help my situation in the following days back in the class room, and the two girls wouldn’t of know how they wounded me. I’m well past the days of grade school and my one take away from this experience is not to be part of the crowd. Following the crowd is easy to do, the hard part is stepping up and saying what’s being done is wrong to make a difference. I try to be extremely cautious and sensitive when reading comments on posts. First thing I ask myself when reading a comment is ‘how am I feeling’ hungry? tired? I get easily upset when hungry. Hugs thanks for the Meme Berry! Good social commentary, needs to be talked about. Back to sleep for me.
An interesting “meme” Berry.
I guess I have always been protective of those who I classed as good friends. It came mostly because of my own experience with trolls and bullies both in RL (bullies) and SL (trolls). To me trolls and bullies are of the same ilk, they must pass negative comments, cause drama or attempt to intellectually stand above their target in print pretty much to justify their own existence. Basically they are starved for attention and will do whatever it takes to entertain or garner support from their band of followers (cheerleaders), but the spotlight must be on them. This is one of the reasons most popular blogs attract these types (wider viewing audience).
I myself went through a 2.5 year period of being attacked and fighting back with a few trolls/griefers/bullies in SL. In my circle there were 2 prominent and one wannabe trolls aggressively pursuing one individual (as well as any of her friends) because they couldn’t have any effect on her boyfriend (the one they were really after). So I stood with her in verbal support. This went from the old SL forums to the new version and then to the feeds. It caused a lot of friendships to disappear, some justified and some not.
What happened…………. well one day I read through some of the pages of screen shots (yes screen shots) of recent battles and was SHOCKED to realize I was becoming a troll/bully/griefer to them in an effort to gain the upper hand. In fact new residence to SL, not being aware of the history, started to see me in the same light as the trolls. I was being sucked into that world (mind you only to them). I immediately quit, stopped, ceased whatever and tried to regain my SL back.
I am still here they pretty much aren’t visible to me and it wouldn’t matter anyway they no longer have any effect or affect on me. I learned a few good lessons and saw quite a few bad ones. Two things remain as a result, one I do not accept friends requests from people who’s history I can’t check (it’s a shame) and two…well it is a bit of humour, I’ll explain. During a verbal confrontation with one of the trolls, a cheerleader from their section jumped in with “maybe you should type slower to get her to understand”. That comment still cracks me up today.
I learned my lesson and just don’t interact with trolls/bullies/drama(kings/queens).
As an after thought I wouldn’t be surprised if “sivyaleah” and I weren’t talking about the same lead character:)
Dee♥
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This one was really really good, Berry…I’ve been on both sides of the table in this situation. I’ve never set out to intentionally hurt someone and I’ve never griefed anyone, but my passing comments and digs about people’s work, looks, etc., are definitely more negative than I’d like to think about.
http://dollyfabulosity.blogspot.com/2015/03/a-little-kindness-goes-long-way.html
http://iecouturelove.com/have-you-ever-secondlifed-memes-challange/mean-comments-meme/
I didn’t do the meme on my blog yet but I will say this. I play an MMO where I play competitive PvP at a pretty high level. I get trolled constantly for being female. I think some men don’t like being beaten by a girl…a lot. “Slut”, “whore”, etc are just the beginning of things said to me on a nightly basis. The internet is not a very welcoming place for a lot of women. Especially when it comes to games/gaming.
I am skipping to step five….I have never been cyber bullied, and if I was I cannot remember. I learned from age six to ignore the negative comments that others made to me. Their comments hurt me at first, and defined me for years, labeling me FAT, UGLY, USELESS…but I rose above it all…and learned that I was not the problem, it was those throwing the stones, that had the problem.
Now when I receive a negative comment I consider the source and move on…
I HAVE NEVER MADE A NEGATIVE COMMENT TO ANY ONE….
DO NOT LET ANYONE MAKE YOU FEEL LESS THAN YOU ARE…..BEING DIFFERENT IS WHAT MAKES ALL OF US UNIQUE…AND BEAUTIFUL..BOTH INSIDE AND OUT….
LOVE TO YOU ALL
My blog, SL Naturist, is mostly about the vibrant naturist community within SL, although we often cover ‘real life’ topics that can be made relevant within SL itself, Miley naked on a wrecking ball? Yes, we’ve replicated that in SL, for example. We’ll also cover stories from RL that relate to soft feminist issues, such as top-free quality.
Over the last week we’ve been covering a ‘cyber bullying’ story from Iceland, wherein a young woman was bullied for supporting top-free equality, prompting a raft of icelandic women to show their support by posting photos of themselves ‘top free’ to highlight the bulling issue.
So your ‘meme’, Strawberry, certainly has a lot of relevance to, and a crossover with, real life, both in terms of the young Icelandic woman in question, but also if we recall recently, the ‘Dancing Fat Man’. In both instances the same social media ‘shaming’ the victim also rallied to support the victim.
Previously, one of the memes has been ‘Topless Tuesday’ (something we picked up from Uccie’s blog – I note that she has commented above) and utilised on our own blog, although I think you were the original source of that one.
Widening the debate a little, I find that we, the overwhelming female majority of SL designers and bloggers,also ‘shame’ ourselves in out posting by self-censoring the female breast. I’m not going to ‘out’ some skin stores, but in an SL context I find that it’s disappointing for two reasons. One, nipple ‘pasties’ mean I can’t make a fully informed choice about a skin on sale with some of it censored. Secondly, we also pander to the real life patriarchal attitudes that exist, when we could be doing more to improve, increase and establish a greater gender equality within the game.
The Meme you’ve outlined above is, for some of the reasons I’ve outlined, is important to me and to the other female writers on SL Naturist. We will be developing this within the context of our own blog and linking to this post accordingly.
Furthermore, I would argue that we need to consider a future Meme as a #freetheSLnipple one, an idea I’ve been throwing around in my head, and at my (female) contributors, for the past week or so. It is time the patriarchal attitudes of RL were erased in SL!
Perhaps those commenters above, and yourself, might like to consider a #freetheSLnipple campaign as part of their work, in the hope that we can not only routinely buys skins ‘in full effect’, as it were, but also to raise awareness of top-free inequality, and the cyber-bullying often associate with it.
I will be giving your current Meme the fullest attention on SL Naturist.
Thank you. 🙂
Ella
https://theslnaturist.wordpress.com
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The internet is not a very welcoming place in general – We have only words on a page to convey, defend, insight or celebrate anything or anyone.
I believe the word ‘bully’ is over-used and in some cases, offered as an excuse to young people giving them permission to behave as victims and often fail in most social settings.
Every one of us has been ‘bullied’ at one time or another, it’s part of growing up, it’s human nature, survival of the fittest. Some type of bullying is going to happen all throughout our lives, you just have to defuse and derail those that attempt to bring you down 🙂
http://chicatphilsplace.blogspot.com/2015/03/mean-comments-meme-of-week.html
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I could not agree more with this message, I think that basic human decency has been lost and we should all work to bring it back and learn to be good to others in RL and Online.
Lol seriously do not want to sound like a disagree/complain type person and not pure in kindness and love BUT I do not at all see the doomsday situation that some of you are talking about. Where would I go to find such hate in SL? The vast majority of my encounters are very very kind and considerate. The negative stuff is the exception. What am I miss here, I feel like there must be a part of SL that is so bad to make someone say all decency is lost…why would you ever go there if it’s truly that bad? I love the people in SL and on very occasionally have to step away from a situation or bow out of a friendship even. Again, I don’t want to be demonstrating hate here, but I’m completely baffled by some of this. Yes we all have episodes with negativity and some of them are very severe, it’s true. But you can’t take those exceptions and declare the whole of SL rotten and proof of the failed state of humankind. Please if I’m totally missing the reason to make this claim I would love to be educated, but I will accept that education sadly because right now I have this possibly naive strong belief that every time I log on I will meet 1 or 2 or a handful of new people pretty much all of whom will be putting their behavior out there and enjoying sharing a mutually positive space. Ok it is a *rant* sorry. I accept whatever criticism I get for speaking strongly like this… Hugs.
Sketch, I don’t think anyone here that has responded to Berry’s questions feel the SL community in general is filled with people who are out there solely to make other lives miserable. It seems to me we all picked on or two specific incidents both inworld and out, where the actions of others overstepped into a territory of abuse behavior towards us. I’m sure most of us, myself included, have had a majority of pleasurable relationships of all types evolve via SL, which far outweigh the negative one or two we have mentioned.
@Sketch Landar – While I didn’t see anyone in this comments section talking about a “doomsday situation” you did ask where we’re finding this kind of hate. I can tell you where I’ve found it:
– I found it in the Aitui store, where a guy randomly came up to me and yelled homophobic abuse at me. I was just out shopping, minding my own business.
– I found it in the Redgrave store, where a bunch of child avatars kept bumping into me and one of them called me a pedophile. I was just out shopping, minding my own business.
– I found it in my own SL home, when a male avatar simply walked in, took one look at me and my boyfriend cuddling on the couch and spat out some disgusted words about us “not being normal”. We were just sitting and talking, minding our own business.
Sometimes, just because you’re a male avatar that doesn’t look like Mr Normal/Mr Macho, or because your profile shows you’re a guy partnered to another guy (or, because you had to put a profile pick in stating your sexuality because you often got hit on by female avatars and felt awkward–for them!–when you had to explain, “Sorry, not interested”)… sometimes that’s all it takes for some complete lummox to think he’ll have a little fun at your expense.
It doesn’t happen all that often (I’ve experienced probably seven to ten instances of outright homophobic abuse in the eight years I’ve been inworld) but Berry’s meme asked us if we’d share those experiences, so we have.
A few lucky people have never had those experiences, but the intention of this post was to invite people to share their negative experiences, thus that’s what you’re mostly going to see in the comments. If Berry’s next meme was about sharing positive experiences, then that’s all you’d read about in the comments to that post.
@ Sketch Lander – No, it’s not doomsday for most of us here but it can be for some, a little empathy goes a long way as this type of behavior does exist:
Two days ago @ A&A Diamante shop a male avatar ran into my much smaller female avatar and began ‘caps lock’ shouting at me in local chat in Italian. By the time I could get it all translated and recover from the constant bumping, I discovered he was calling me a whore, slut and many other things I could not clearly understand.
There was no reason for his behavior, nothing occurred prior to his verbal attack, I wasn’t even aware he was in the store until he pushed my avatar. I very much wanted to engage him, I wanted to shout back and call him foul names but where would that get me? No where so I left the store. It happens, some folks are so miserable in real life it spills all out in their virtual ones.
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Hi All,
The TedTalk that Berry posted at the top of this meme reminded me of another I had seen from TedWomen
https://www.ted.com/talks/maysoon_zayid_i_got_99_problems_palsy_is_just_one?language=en
It has a positive message, so in that sense relative to change for the better.
To be honest I’ve been dreading checking back on this thread, unsure if I was carried away and about to be counter-attacked (knowing how words to eachother can work as the topic is discussing), but the responses are fair and informative. I picked up on a few words and I guess felt that a summary conclusion was being implied. I spent a late night last night meeting some very cool and friendly people, maybe that made me just sort of want to stand up and say “hey, most of them are ok!” But I need to give everyone credit for already knowing that. *smile* Great discussion and I’ll step aside and let it proceed!!!
People are sharing stuff that is hard to read. So raw and vulnerable. Thanks to everyone who have shared so deeply. Here’s mine:
http://paywriter.tumblr.com/post/115205461477/mean-meme
Wow!! Love the discussions going on about this topic. Obviously we all feel strongly about the subject, no matter where we’re coming from.
http://dreamer-adiaryofmysecondlife.blogspot.ca/2015/04/sticks-and-stones-from-meanies.html
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Words Can Kill
I posted story in flickr, please read it when you have time.
And yes, as Paypabak said….thanks everybody.
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https://www.flickr.com/photos/ziekling/16793961477/
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http://cozeysl.com/2015/04/01/the-intention-of-cyber-bullying/
thanks Berry this was fantastic of you ♥
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https://inelegantineloquent.wordpress.com/2015/04/01/chasing-after-stories-that-have-already-been-told/
@ Deoridhe …you go girl, dont let them beat you down.
Great topic Berry even if painful to read. Support is in the internet too and thats a great thing.
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Late to the party, as always :/ Any beer left?
Anyhoo, here’s my catharsis:
https://orcaflotta.wordpress.com/2015/04/02/best-monday-meme-ever/
When people throw shade at me, I put on my shades and keep moving forward while they are left in the dust:
http://starravensl.tumblr.com/post/115382727079/meme-mean-comments
I couldn’t let this one go without more… especially for LittleBlackLamb up above. http://bit.ly/19QFJWf
NSFW, as usual. Lots of T&A.
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http://helamiyo.blogspot.com/2015/04/karma-mean-comments-meme.html
It’s taken a long time for me to complete it, but I finally have it. It’s long, and you may hate me after reading it:
http://auryn-beorn.blogspot.com/2015/04/mean-comments-my-take-on-topic.html
I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to reply to this important meme. I’ve read all of your comments, your views on this and also your heartfelt stories. It was very touching. I’ve decided not to leave comments on any of the posts this time because you all shared some very personal experiences and views. Thank you for that. <3
https://strawberrysingh.com/category/berrys-blogger-challenge
This is laughable. Is this the very same indigo that creeps SLsecrets week after week stalking, bullying and even body shaming. You should drink your own coolaid sweetheart, you participate in the reckless snakepit every week, you create aliases to back yourself up. There is always two sides to people isn’t there.