Vacations and Auctions

Vacations and Auctions

I wasn’t sure if I was going to blog about this or not, but I figured perhaps if I shared what I’m going through, it may help me heal.

My vacation was supposed to last till the 18th, but I ended up cutting it short and coming home early. The first part of my vacation was actually pretty wonderful. I did things I never did before (and never thought I would ever do) and froze my ass off whilst doing them. Then the last part of my vacation got a bit sour. The relationship I’ve been in for the past year ended, forever.

I’m still pretty numb and feel as if I’m just going through the motions. My eyes haven’t stopped watering for days and the pain in my heart is unrelenting. I really thought what I had found was going to last forever and this was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. How do you get over that? How do you forget and move on?

I’ve been trying to convince myself that I have so much in my life to be happy about and thankful for: my work, my family, my friends and more. Along with strong support from strangers around the world that I know through Second Life. But I guess sometimes you just need to be miserable until you get to the point where you can finally get over it.

So this is what I’m going through right now. I’m going to do my best to paint a fake smile on my face and just distract myself with work, pictures and blogging until I feel like myself again. But I know I’ll have my days where I will explode and ramble nonsense until I get whatever I need to off my chest, just excuse me if that happens.

In other less depressing news, I was requested by Kiana Writer (Founder and Director of MadPea Productions) to put myself up for auction for a good cause, so of course I could not refuse. This is supposed to be a date auction type thing, but I am probably going to be a very boring date these days so I’m offering my photography services for a single portrait instead. I will of course spend some time with the winner as well if they want to pick my brain about blogging, photography and such. But they will definitely get a portrait. All of the proceeds from the auction will go to Feed-a-Smile program, which helps feed 400 children daily in Kenya, and also provides education, medicine, food, shelter, and foster care. Ziki Questi has done an excellent job of blogging it, so click over to her post for all the details. This is the SLurl to the auction.

There will be no Monday Meme this week as I’m not really up for it. Hopefully by next week I’ll be more prepared and feel a bit more like myself. Thanks to all those that have reached out and offered their support. I really appreciate it. <3

Credits:
*Skin: Glam Affair Sylvia by Aida Ewing (@ Collabor88)
*Eyes: IKON Promise Eyes by Ikon Innovia
*Hair: Truth Tyr by Truth Hawks
*Necklace: MANDALA valentine 2 by kikunosuke Eel (Details on flickr)

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56 thoughts on “Vacations and Auctions

  1. I’m so heart broken for you. It will get better. I’m here and ily.

  2. The photo is lovely, Berry. As for the rest, don’t worry.

  3. sigh…huge hugs berry

  4. Bear Silvershade says:

    Awww, that’s sad, Berry… I’ve always felt you are a sweet, caring gentle and fun soul… and still do. Hugs!

  5. You see first hand how many people would have mob-lynched him. (>*_*)> It’s all good, Berry! <3 Brb, need to bid. XD

    Chin up. xx

  6. Bear Silvershade says:

    (baking some fresh chocolate chip cookies to distract Berry)

  7. Hands Berry a gallon of ice cream and a spoon, and joins her on the couch. You are wonderful, no matter what someone singular other person thinks. Dig in…ice cream helps

  8. aww….. I am so sorry. Yeah, relationships can be tricky sometimes. But you don’t lose hope. It is the only thing that gets us going day after day. Just think of it as something happened for a reason. But you don’t stop, you keep going. It is going to be hard, I know but life goes on. Time heals wounds. So, I wish you all the best for the future as always. OK now let me see your killer smile :) yup like this one. ;)

  9. Be strong, Berry. God doesnt give u the ppl u want. He gives u ppl u need. They cause u pain, love, teach u, break u to turn u into what u should be. I know u through internet but felt ur pain almost physically. Try to think positive and find positive energy in ur loved ones.
    Peace to u

  10. There is no doubt about it. It hurts losing someone. It even hurts (maybe more) if you are the one that said goodbye. A part of you died; it surely did. The part that had things been different may have lived happily ever after.

    We love and we loose people. It is part of making us who we are. And yes, we do heal. We may never forget, but the pain is lighter as the days continue. And sometimes when we are lucky another person comes along to fill the void. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year. But some day.

    I do believe there is someone for everyone. Keep your eyes open. It might be someone you would not think was “right” from first glance.

    Keep busy, trudge on. Take the hugs that are offered and know that you are a STELLAR person deserving of a long, lasting and meaningful relationship.

  11. There is no need to paint a fake smile on your face, Berry. Do whatever you need to try to heal this wound. If that means crying, screaming. slashing your favourite dress to bits, then do it. The people who know you – either closely or those of us who have come to know you through all you do in Second Life will give you space and allow you your grief.

    In time, the smile will become more natural…you have the type of nature that thrives on helping others and giving of yourself. No, these things can’t replace a lost love, but they are what make you…YOU. Eventually those caring parts of you will help you recover your balance. Hopefully, soon, but whenever it happens, it will be the right time. <3

  12. ~hugs~ Be strong. Love happens for a reason. It’s better it ended now and to remember the happier times than to be stuck decades later and wonder where the love went. It also means there is still someone out there for you.

  13. Oh Miss Berry –

    I went through what you went though (almost the EXACT situation) and I realized this thanks to plurk. I know we have never talked or met, but if you need someone who can go beyond saying they are sorry and actually knows the hurt you’re feeling…feel free to message me in world or on plurk. Even if you just need to yell and scream…sometimes, it’s nice to have someone unbiased and unattached to vent at. That’s just my two cents…but I can promise you this: with time, healing, and self-love you WILL get better and you WILL find the one you are meant to be with. Hang in there, and know you have so much love and support from all over the globe. Let the pain out, and the healing warmth of those who care for you, including yourself, in.

  14. Hugss, Strawberry… so, so sorry….

  15. Lots and lots of hugs

  16. I’m sending you truckloads full of love and hugs!
    Oh and all the boxes of Belgian chocolates and waffles too!

  17. Allow yourself the time to heal. Feel free to vent and express your feelings as it will only help you. Many of us have been there and are here for support if you need anything. Hugs and prayers to you!

  18. *listens attentively and whispers*

    “my thoughts sent from here”

  19. Big hug , this will pass and something beautiful is waiting for you !

  20. I heard and felt your pain while reading this, I know I’m just another stranger from Second Life but I am always here if you need me.

    Love, great support and hugs ♥

  21. I love that you’re doing something for others through this. And all the love from everyone here and there, will get you through this
    <3

  22. Berry, that breaks my heart! Can I kick his ass!! ok j/k Sending you some hugz.

  23. I’m so very sorry, Berry. Let me know if I can help at all.

  24. Sorry to see you feel like this Berry and hope that it will not take long to see there are still many great things left and you feel strong enough to laugh out loud and enjoy your everyday life. Hugs

  25. Stay busy, ramble when you have to, and don’t apologise for it. We’ve all been there.

  26. Berry you will over come this pain Hugs

    Quotes

    One day you’ll love me, the way I loved you. One day you’ll think of me the way I thought of you. One day you’ll cry for me, the way I cried for you. One day you’ll want me, but I won’t want you.
    by Gwen

  27. Beautiful photo, sorry about the reason behind it. I hope you find the strength within.

  28. I just read your post, no words can express how very sorry I am to hear what happened. Sending you lots of feel better hugs, and I just know there is someone very special out there for you. They will show up with you least expect it!! ((Hugs))

  29. Hello. I want you give some helpful advise, this is tried and method of dealing with grief (whatever is the cause). It was taught to me by a wise man, who was Crow Native American. They teach that one should grieve for 2 weeks. Don’t hold back. Don’t bury yourself in work and pretend it didn’t happen. Allow yourself to grieve. And when the 2 weeks is over, say goodbye to the past. Never think or say that person’s name again (or at least try not to). This method really does work, and it also lets you know what is a normal time to grieve. If you grieve longer than that, you need may need professional help for depression. I hope that helps you, or anyone else who reads this. Take your time to deal with the pain, and trust me, you will be better in 2 weeks.

  30. It still breaks my heart just thinking about what happened. I can’t believe it, and I’m still all for paying Jefferson to go over and yeah. I’m mad. But the only thing that lightens my heart is that you found out about this now, and not later. It would have been much worse. Believe me. I’ve gone through something slightly similar, in a different way, and it’s for this that I say that my door is always open when you need to talk. The pain will last, it’s hard to have your trust broken, and the scar will be there forever. Don’t think you’re going to get over it, because many years down the road, when you least expect it, out of no where, it’ll hit you again. All you can do is learn how to live with that new scar, and one day, you’ll find that one amazing person that will deserve you, and fight to get past every single one of your insecurities. The one that will fight for your love, and adore you for all the things you are, and all the roads you’ve walked on. Chin up doll, you’re so blessed with the support system that you have, we all want the best for you, and we’re rooting for you. That alone is a beautiful thing. And don’t hold it in, you need to let it out as it comes, that doesn’t make you any less of a person, not as strong, or anything. It’s the way we deal with shit.

    I love you Berry. With time, this too shall pass.

  31. <3 You are beautiful and I'm sorry that you are going through this.. sometimes one window closes so that another can open. I hope that you will be kind to yourself and find your new footing soon.

  32. I really don’t even know what to say. Thank you all for the kind words and support. <3

  33. “How do you get over that? How do you forget…?”

    You don’t. It happened, and it’ll leave a mark on you, making what you’ll be from now on, just as everything that happened to you before, the good and the bad, made what you are today. What you do is not to forget what happened, but to remember who you are… who you always have been; and how, though of course it’s good to have someone with whom to share your life, you don’t actually *need* anyone to have a life of your own. How was Berry before meeting this person? What did she do, what made her laugh, how did she go when feeling like eating the world? Well then, that’s what you gotta take back and go on from there; it’ll be a bit easier if you don’’t think in terms of what you lost, but what you can regain. You will grieve, of course… you need to; you have a void in there, and it feels colder still than that place you came back from… enough to be painful. So how do you fill it again? Well… once more, don’t; just relay on your family and your friends, their love, to start warming you again… slowly but surely, the void will fill itself with what you always had there, the old Berry that was before you met him, with all that she had to offer… only this time a bit stronger, and wiser.
    Berry, making an effort to “smile and go on” is good, but only as much as necessary to avoid falling into an unhealthy depression; otherwise, don’t try repressing too much what you feel, and the need to express it to whomever will listen to you; you need to get it out of your system, not bury it so deeply that it’ll stay there, out of reach yet cracking you inside slowly, like frost. Get rid of it, a bit at a time, yelling if you have to, crying on someone’s shoulder whenever you need to; there are many who will want to be there for you, holding your hand, until you start feeling like you want to do things again. That time will come, eventually, and when it does, you will know as surely as you did once, that the world better be ready for another round of Berry kicking ass ^_^

    Oh, and don’t worry about ranting; many people do it for the silliest of reasons… and anyway, few rant with nearly as much style as you :P

  34. so much love going out to you berry <3 *hugs*

  35. Finesse Firelyte says:

    After losing my Mom in December, I didn’t think it was possible to go on. I know it’s different than the end of a relationship but in a way it’s very similar. You have suffered a loss. A death, if you will, of a future with that person. Give yourself time to grieve. Yes, sometimes distraction does help. At least to get over that initial raw pain, but eventually you do have to let it out. Don’t let it fester. I have lost what I thought was a forever love in the past and time does dull the wound as cliche as that sounds. My wishes for a bright and shiny future and unknown joy to find you soon.

  36. Lacie Babenco says:

    Oh honey, please supply me with the name of whom I must kill now for you.

    So sad and so tragic, many hugs and purrs to help you through this. Just enjoy you being you and things will figure themselves out.

  37. Sommerland Starostin says:

    I feel your pain. Love can be painful and can feel worse then physical pain. I read your blog all the time and see how much you do for the SL community by staying positive and avoiding the social infighting and drama.You’re a light and hoping that helps just a little to get you thru the dark right now. There’s a saying, when you’re going thru hell keep going, but believe that you have a lot of support thru this time. His loss unfortunately. I do believe one door closes so another one can open. Bigger and even better things awaiting you I’m sure. :)

  38. Sorry to hear your sad news Berry. Your blog, Plurks and Second Life activities always bring a smile to my face and cheer me up. For that I thank you. Grief and loss are hard to deal with, especially if they come suddenly out of nowhere. You will find your own path through the bumpy road ahead and will be stronger for it. It’s very brave of you to share your feelings on the blog, but I think sharing does help in healing. I only wish I was as brave as you! Take care. Raza.

  39. Everyone who touches our lives, however briefly, has something to teach us. The lesson may be that we can find joy in the simplest of things, or that we are stronger than we realise. Your job now is to find what you have learned (and are learning) from this particular passing touch.

    I have a piece of paper pinned to my wall that I read through whenever I’m going through any kind of bad situaion. I’m going to copy it here for you in the hope that it helps just a little:

    – What would be useful for me to do *right now*?
    – What is the reality and what is merely my fantasy about this situation?
    – Can I salvage anything from this?
    – Why is it good that this has happened?
    – What am I learning from this?
    – What could I do to turn this situation around?
    – Laugh or cry, but *vent your emotions*

    This, too, shall pass.

    <3

  40. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I’ve been there. I can promise you it will eventually get easier. Some words that have always helped me through difficult times: “This too shall pass.” Huggggsss from afar.

  41. In all the grief we hope to end, in all the tears we wish to stop, in all the fears we face, all we know is that we will rise and as we look into the blue sky we wil smile again!

  42. So sorry to hear your news Berry, it really is his loss and as my grandma always used to say ‘try to remember irrespective of whatever has happened or will happen, you are fabulous, talented and loved!’

  43. Kyra Rosenfeld says:

    Dear Berry,

    I so understand. No matter that the reasons will be different ones why it’s over. What helped for me was spending time with friends …let them hug me and crying in their arms because I felt loved no matter how much my heart was broken. The worst thing is when nothing really makes fun anymore…if this happens to you, you have to force forself and after some time you will enjoy things again. Take your time to be sad but makes no sense to listen to YOUR songs or go to places where you used to go with your boyfriend.
    And an advice from my teacher at elementary school: If you feel really sad do sometthing good to somebody else ..somebody who is in a worse situtation than you.
    It’s difficult when you are torn…I know. But it will be better!
    Feel hugged,
    Kyra

  44. Time for ice cream and cupcakes and a best friend sleepover! ♥

  45. Oh, Berry…you are such a sweet spirit. Your blog is full of fun and important information, your photography is a joy to all who view it, your presence is a kind reminder of all that is fine and lovely and quirky and wonderful about our treasured virtual world – and indeed, about our other world(s) too.
    I feel so sad that you are hurting, and yet I feel completely certain that this will sort itself out and that you will soon feel more balanced and at peace. Take all the time you need and rest assured that every moment that passes is precious. Perhaps just BE now and let time be the tender friend you need.
    The path of life may seem utterly random sometimes, but every step we take is part of the journey. Let your heart heal and know that many hold you close and cover you with warmth and true care – your family and many friends in all the worlds there are. Do what you need and wish to do. I’ll be right here with you, as will many others as you can see from all those caring posts above.
    – from Mireille

  46. Sending positive thoughts your way along with many hugs

  47. Oh Berry =[ Stay strong, girl. <3 *hugs*

  48. Oh GOD NO..that is horrible! You must be in terrible agony,I’m so very sorry.

  49. LadyInTheLake Aquila says:

    Oh Berry, I’m so sorry for that happening to you on vacation. Tons of hugs for you and strength! I know it’ll be very tough to feel like your lovely & lively self, but your personality is too bubbly and wonderful to stay under the blanket of sadness. It’ll shine through:)

    I’ve always listened to this song when I’m down from a relationship… I hope it helps bring back that sassy Strawberry :)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNDl41HfvxI

    I’m here if you need someone to listen :)

    -Lady

  50. My heart reaches out to you.

  51. […] for most of June because I’m going away to places I’ve never been before. I’ve been a mix bag of emotions so far this year (or perhaps always?) and I wanted a change. So I’m travelling across the ocean to a foreign […]

  52. […] your thoughts, advice or suggestions for me. Earlier in the year you guys were also there for me during one of my most troubling times. You really don’t know how much I truly appreciate […]

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